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Thread: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

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    A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Well, the Patriots are AFC Champions once again. This despite being relentlessly mediocre and outside of Tom Brady having a roster that probably ranks in the bottom 3rd in the NFL who outside of Tom Brady who's best player is a pro bowl CB and a broken down TE. Sure, Bellichick's scheming and Brady's relentless competitiveness play a big role in sending this team back and keeping them right, but another big reason is the 15 other teams all of whom collectively fell flat on their faces. The Patriots at time practically tried to hand the AFC to someone else but everyone else said no. Here is a quick roast of the AFC

    The rest of the AFC East: These three teams don't deserve the light of day. The Patriots practically have the division wrapped up before the start of the season because of the 3 stooge teams. Heck the Pats have all but wrapped up the division for the 2019 season because the rest of the division is so bad

    Oakland: too busy tanking to field a real team

    Jacksonville: Had the tools to beat New England but stupidly decided to stick with Blake Bortles and then spent more time running their mouths to be competitive

    Cincinnati: Never going to win anything with Marvin Lewis and Mike Brown (but hey they fired Marvin Lewis, they best thing they did in the last 28 years

    Denver: The last team to beat New England in a conference championship game. Too busy wasting Von Miller's career on a string of bad QBs, inferior head coaches, and John Elway's poor decision making

    Cleveland: I can't make fun of this team, they accomplished a lot going from 1-31 to 7-8-1 in only a year.

    Titans: They had the defense needed to stop the Pats (and showed it), unfortunately their Cro-Magnon offense was painfully boring and Marcus Mariota is not and never will be a franchise QB. He's a smaller Blake Bortles who has yet to be given a shot to choke against Brady

    Steelers: This team had the talent necessary to win the AFC rather easily even with a shaky LB corp and secondary as 8 pro bowlers can attest. Unfortunately their head coach is more interested in sound bites and blaming X-ray machines than instilling discipline and actually preparing his team for anyone not named New England, the OC is a puppet installed to make the QB happy, their DC and Special teams coordinators are just plain incompetent, few position coaches are getting much out of the team, the team can't evaluate DBs to save their lives and the owner is Pennsylvania's Mike Brown, a guy who inherits a team because his father was an NFL legend but is too apathetic to actually make necessary changes. Put a slightly above average coaching staff on this team in this weak conference and this board is celebrating a 2nd straight AFC championship rather than complaining about the Pats winning it yet again

    Texans: Another team with more talent than the Pats, a franchise QB, a stout D-line, and a talented WR, but doesn't sniff the Super Bowl because of incompetence at the head coaching position. Replace Bill O Brien with an above average head coach and Houston is celebrating an AFC title

    Ravens: Had a strong defense, but Lamar Jackson is no where near Super Bowl ready (didn't want them winning it anyway)

    Colts: Maybe a year or two away if their defense can improve. Not ready yet

    And that leaves us with the two teams who bowed down to the Pats
    Chargers: Lots of talent, arguably the most complete team with a franchise QB and solid defense, but got run over with an awful game plan they shat out and Phillip Rivers chokes again (I don't want to hear he is better than Ben)

    Chiefs: Patrick Mahomes tried to win the AFC title, he tried his hardest, unfortunately the Chiefs shitty defense (especially Dee Ford) would have none of that. Pass rush stops Tom Brady, so Chiefs go soft zone. Chiefs get critical INT, Dee Ford goes offsides. Andy Reid still can't win a conference title unless he plays an 8-8 team in the divisional round and a team with a +3 point differential for the season in the conference Championship game.

    I figured this would happen, the Pats would skate through the AFC as 15 moronic franchises stumble over themselves. Congrats AFC, you are the new NBA east. You let down 31 NFL fanbases who wanted to see someone other than New England go to the Super Bowl. Predicting what was going to happen at the end of that game was like predicting what color would the sky be today. Hats off to New England too, they have great coaching that maximizes their roster, competitiveness that keeps them going and a never say die attitude that allows them to take advantage of their weak conference. Congrats to them for also apparently being the only team that wants to win the AFC. Feel free to roast the rest of the conference below
    Last edited by st33lersguy; 01-21-2019 at 07:20 AM.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    The Browns will win play in two of the next four Super Bowls.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by teegre View Post
    The Browns will win play in two of the next four Super Bowls.
    No they will play the Pat's in the next 2 afc championship games. Brady drives 98 yards and the Pat's win in ot one game and the next year nick chubb fumbles at the goalline to lose the game

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by st33lersguy View Post
    No they will play the Pat's in the next 2 afc championship games. Brady drives 98 yards and the Pat's win in ot one game and the next year nick chubb fumbles at the goalline to lose the game
    Close

    Denzel Ward has a game-winning pick-six called back, because of a phantom “unnecessary hands to the illegal chop block” penalty. The Taperiots are then able to run down the clock and kick a game-winning FG. (The Taperiots then lose the Super Bowl to the Cardinals: 42-10.)

    Similarly, a sack-fumble is reversed against (again) Ward... because, he has a history of “unnecessary hands to the illegal chop block” penalties. FG. Game. (The Taperiots lose a heart-breaker in the Super Bowl to the Buccaneers, when one of their defenders gets called for roughing the passer on the new NFL “golden boy” Trevor Lawrence.)

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    This topic reeks of so much truth. The sad fact is that New England themselves are decent but nothing special, but everyone around is so ragingly incompetent they get back to the Super Bowl anyway. Their two best competitors within the conference, and one of them fucked up so badly they didn't even make the playoffs.

    Everyone knows the Patriots Kryptonite is man coverage with a pass rush. What does KC do? Zone all game. God, even fucking Mike Tomlin figured that out...eventually. Combine that with Andy Reid's trademark horrific clock management, and the Chiefs never stood a chance.

    You can't be angry with the Patriots for their success. They did nothing otherworldly or insane. They tried their damndest to give up the AFC this year, but everyone else is just so horrid.

    The AFC is a clown show, and next year will be no different.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Another super bowl I'm not watching, seriously fuck the Patriots, their fans are also a bunch of heterosexually challenged faggots

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    The sad fact is the Pats have been playing offense THE SAME WAY for years and years, and no one can figure out how to beat them. Its the same game plan run the ball and short passes, every game like clockwork. If Brady had L Bell or AB they would easily score 40-50 points a game.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by Shoes View Post
    The sad fact is the Pats have been playing offense THE SAME WAY for years and years, and no one can figure out how to beat them. Its the same game plan run the ball and short passes, every game like clockwork. If Brady had L Bell or AB they would easily score 40-50 points a game.
    The Steelers defense shut em down, but they don't know how to stop the Raiders, or Broncos and that's another problem lol.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Here's what I think of every team:

    Raiders: Their super bowl is the NFL draft because they're finally near the top at something nearly every year. Here's where we all find out who's the potential new faces of "Biggest 20 busts of all time"
    Broncos: Eh. Funny to watch Elway run this team into the ground. Great player, terrible GM
    KC: I heard a conspiracy that Donald Trump paid off the Chiefs to lose this one. He may be a billionaire, but nobody's rich enough to buy McDonald's for Andy Reid
    Chargers: Phillip Rivers = I heard his name actually means "Playoff Choker" in Chinese or something
    Jacksonville: Oh they won the Super Bowl alright. Then they woke up.
    Cincy: The red rifle is a cool nickname, too bad he's just a Carson Palmer clone who will never make it to a Super Bowl
    Cleveland: On the rise, they have a good QB/RB duo, and their defense is talented. Could be a playoff team as soon as next year.
    Titans: Perennial medicocrity is the first thing that comes to mind whenever the Titans are mentioned.
    Steelers: Unlucky? Poorly coached? Underachievers? If Boswell makes a chipshot FG in week 1, we're in the playoffs. If Boswell make a kick and we beat the Raiders, or Denver, or Don't piss away a 16 point lead vs the Chargers, we get the #2 seed. Instead we're watching one of the more talented squads of recent years, watching the playoffs at home.
    Texans: Overrated, had a cupcake schedule
    Ravens: Is this the 2000 Steelers? Jackson reminds me of Kordell Stewart. Great athlete, limited passer, but backed with a very good defense. Will always be in the mix for playoffs with that D
    Colts: When Andrew luck isn't running for his life, he's as good as anybody. I hear they are well under the cap, with a few additions they could be a contender.
    Chiefs: Most talented offense, terrible defense. Reminds me of the Steelers teams a few years ago with the killer B's and god awful defense.
    Buffalo: Continue the tradition of trading their good players, and giving the Patriots 2 free wins a year
    NY Jets: lol
    Miami: They're like the spy from Stratego. Good chance of beating the Pats in Miami. However, they're terrible against everybody else

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by Fire Goodell View Post
    The Steelers defense shut em down, but they don't know how to stop the Raiders, or Broncos and that's another problem lol.
    True, that was the Steelers SB.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by st33lersguy View Post
    Well, the Patriots are AFC Champions once again. This despite being relentlessly mediocre and outside of Tom Brady having a roster that probably ranks in the bottom 3rd in the NFL who outside of Tom Brady who's best player is a pro bowl CB and a broken down TE.
    That depends on who, and how, you rank it. Clearly, those players work for the Patriots.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Belichick is playing chess and the rest of the coaches in the AFC are playing checkers. He figured out a long time ago, the three to five-step drop and throw on rhythm saves wear and tear on your QB and you minimize great pass rushers. You throw safe short passes that move the chains and if the receiver breaks a tackle, you get bonus yards after catch. I remember watching Brady three, five-step drop and throw and Harrison and Woodley couldn't get to him.

    Tackling is awful today. Players go for big hits rather than wrap up so receivers bounce off tacklers for more yardage. It's safe, low-risk offense that reaps rewards if you're patient. Teams around the league aren't patient. Ben loves to throw the ball deep.

    I thought the Steelers were wising up with Switzer in that role to move the chains but they don't use him enough.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by saturdaysarebetter View Post
    Belichick is playing chess and the rest of the coaches in the AFC are playing checkers. He figured out a long time ago, the three to five-step drop and throw on rhythm saves wear and tear on your QB and you minimize great pass rushers. You throw safe short passes that move the chains and if the receiver breaks a tackle, you get bonus yards after catch. I remember watching Brady three, five-step drop and throw and Harrison and Woodley couldn't get to him.

    Tackling is awful today. Players go for big hits rather than wrap up so receivers bounce off tacklers for more yardage. It's safe, low-risk offense that reaps rewards if you're patient. Teams around the league aren't patient. Ben loves to throw the ball deep.

    I thought the Steelers were wising up with Switzer in that role to move the chains but they don't use him enough.
    Most QBs including Ben are not smart or accurate enough to run the Pats offense. When they had to go with Csssel or Brisett, they totally changed it.

    Brady is one of a small handful of guys that hits the top of his drop and throws to a spot rather than an open guy. Ben throws to the guy. FWIW there is a stat out there that tracks time from snap to throw and Ben was one of the quickest this season.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Found the stat. Tracks TT (Time to throw) from 2016-2018. All years Ben faster out than Brady. In 2018 and 2017, at or near fastest in the entire league.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    How many remember the 13 year drought for the AFC? Could another drought be on the horizon?

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by Born2Steel View Post
    How many remember the 13 year drought for the AFC? Could another drought be on the horizon?
    Maybe, especially if the Rams turn into a dominant force

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by st33lersguy View Post
    Maybe, especially if the Rams turn into a dominant force
    You have the Rams, the Bears, the Cowboys, the Eagles, and the Saints for a couple more years. Most of these are young teams with young dynamic offenses led by competent QBs. The AFC has some teams that fit that as well, just not playing like it.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    The AFC North is not going to be a cake walk for awhile. Balt. and Cleveland making improvements, and the bungholes finally got rid of Marvin so they will be a 'wait and see' shot. Steeler's NOT making any changes with the coaching staff in the departments needed.... Defense and Special team....so with NO changes made things will remain the same. Bell and Brown will be gone and the Steeler's will be a Ben, JuJu and Conner show....until we are lucky to pick another weapon up. The owners of this team have become STAGNANT and are just satisfied 'lucking' at a win here and there. They still play DOWN to opponents that they should destroy. They still can't tackle, and still can't cover opponent receivers so they will constantly give teams 1st downs on 3rd and longs. I hate...or is it jealously....of the Pat's. But they make changes when needed, play to win , and have that kill mode. They beat the teams they are supposed to, and usually handedly. No sitting on the end of the seats when they play bottom feeder team......ie, Denver, Oakland. Their coach knows how to play the game. I like Tomlin and I'm not calling for his head .... yet. But the writing is on the wall in BIG LETTERS,,,,,'if changes aren't made now in the area's needed, the Steeler's will be last place and become the new bottom feeder.' Rooney better start watching championship teams NOW to see how they do it !!!

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by Shoes View Post
    The sad fact is the Pats have been playing offense THE SAME WAY for years and years, and no one can figure out how to beat them. Its the same game plan run the ball and short passes, every game like clockwork. If Brady had L Bell or AB they would easily score 40-50 points a game.
    The fact they don't tolerate selfish players such as them is a big part of the reason they've sustained success through 15 seasons. And Gronk while an over-sized personality doesn't skip practices, walk through's or piss and moan about his contract.

    Think of it. Year after year the Patriots get rid of top tier players. Rodney Harrison, Richard Seymour, Darrell Reavis, Jamie Collins, Randy Moss etc.. A kid runs for 200 yards gets player of the week, a week later is late to a meeting and gets traded for a garden rake.

    It's Brady and Bellichick and everyone else. It's like the original ending to the Gilligan's Island song where Mary Ann and the Professor were left out! lol. You're told your place and if you don't like it we don't need you.

    So maybe they're not the most talented roster. But they are on point when it matters. Because no one blows off meetings, practices or walk through's. No one sulks and walks off the practice field if they're told to repeat a rep. Again and again and again. No one resents the HOF qb is at a higher station than them! So I can't imagine Bell and Brown would do them a lick as good as they are.
    Last edited by zulater; 01-22-2019 at 01:39 PM.
    "A man's got to know his limitations."

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by zulater View Post
    The fact they don't tolerate selfish players such as them is a big part of the reason they've sustained success through 15 seasons. And Gronk while an over-sized personality doesn't skip practices, walk through's or piss and moan about his contract.
    They’ve had Bell/Brown type problem players go there and be just fine. Corey Dillon/Randy Moss.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dwinsgames View Post
    you are a Kenny Pickett enabler

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by 86WARD View Post
    They’ve had Bell/Brown type problem players go there and be just fine. Corey Dillon/Randy Moss.
    AS soon as Moss started acting the idiot they got rid of him though didn't they. Season after catching 13 td's and over 1200 yards in 09 they got rid of him 4 games into the 10 season when he got selfish.

    I don't think Bell or AB have the capacity to put team ahead of me. Dillon did.
    "A man's got to know his limitations."

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by zulater View Post
    AS soon as Moss started acting the idiot they got rid of him though didn't they. Season after catching 13 td's and over 1200 yards in 09 they got rid of him 4 games into the 10 season when he got selfish.

    I don't think Bell or AB have the capacity to put team ahead of me. Dillon did.
    Moss went through the AB phase (before social media) before NE and the Patriots still signed him and he was fine for a while. They traded him because he wanted a new deal and wasn’t being utilized...that doesn’t mean he wasn’t selfish the whole three other seasons he was there. He’s always been that guy. Look at his career after NE. It’s a disaster. Belichick took a selfish player, used him and then dumped him before his contract was up. Dillon was the same before signed. Dillon threatened to quit unless Bengals ownership was gone...Belichick still signed him...lol.

    Belichick has a culture in NE. Basically, it’s know your job and don’t fuck up. It’s a culture that isn’t in Pittsburgh. NE is all business, very little fun. It’s the reason a lot of players don’t like playing there. The rewards are why a lot of players do like playing there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dwinsgames View Post
    you are a Kenny Pickett enabler

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by 86WARD View Post
    Moss went through the AB phase (before social media) before NE and the Patriots still signed him and he was fine for a while. They traded him because he wanted a new deal and wasn’t being utilized...that doesn’t mean he wasn’t selfish the whole three other seasons he was there. He’s always been that guy. Look at his career after NE. It’s a disaster. Belichick took a selfish player, used him and then dumped him before his contract was up. Dillon was the same before signed. Dillon threatened to quit unless Bengals ownership was gone...Belichick still signed him...lol.

    Belichick has a culture in NE. Basically, it’s know your job and don’t fuck up. It’s a culture that isn’t in Pittsburgh. NE is all business, very little fun. It’s the reason a lot of players don’t like playing there. The rewards are why a lot of players do like playing there.
    Pretty fair assessment. I have never bought that guys get traded out of NE because of attitude or culture or what not. It is about contract $$$ every time. Oh, you think your in-line for a big extension? Yeah. Not here. Next.

    NE has always taken a different approach than most other teams. They have typically had far less separation between their say like #10 player and their #53 player on the roster. They roster quite a few highly regarded players and highly drafted players in any one season, but outside of about 3-5 guys they don't pay anyone big $$$ for more than a season or two. They then plow that cap cash into constantly churning the bottom third of their roster. As a result, their bottom of the roster players are better than most other teams equivalent guys. Leads to depth and an almost Darwinian competition for playing time.

    I sincerely do not think guys like Matakevich, Chickillo, Fort, Hunter, Jesse James, Dangerfield, Allen, etc would make the Patriots 53 or if they did, they would get cut as soon as someone else catches their eye. On the Steelers and many many other teams driven by high salary players at the top of the roster, those guys (or guys like them) are key contributors.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by Mojouw View Post
    Pretty fair assessment. I have never bought that guys get traded out of NE because of attitude or culture or what not. It is about contract $$$ every time. Oh, you think your in-line for a big extension? Yeah. Not here. Next.

    NE has always taken a different approach than most other teams. They have typically had far less separation between their say like #10 player and their #53 player on the roster. They roster quite a few highly regarded players and highly drafted players in any one season, but outside of about 3-5 guys they don't pay anyone big $$$ for more than a season or two. They then plow that cap cash into constantly churning the bottom third of their roster. As a result, their bottom of the roster players are better than most other teams equivalent guys. Leads to depth and an almost Darwinian competition for playing time.

    I sincerely do not think guys like Matakevich, Chickillo, Fort, Hunter, Jesse James, Dangerfield, Allen, etc would make the Patriots 53 or if they did, they would get cut as soon as someone else catches their eye. On the Steelers and many many other teams driven by high salary players at the top of the roster, those guys (or guys like them) are key contributors.
    Pats do a great job at managing roster turnover but it helps the salary cap when the GOAT QB (no sarcasm there - he unquestionably is) does not need to squeeze every nickel out of his contract since he is the second income in his family and his spouse has a nine figure net worth

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by AtlantaDan View Post
    Pats do a great job at managing roster turnover but it helps the salary cap when the GOAT QB (no sarcasm there - he unquestionably is) does not need to squeeze every nickel out of his contract since he is the second income in his family and his spouse has a nine figure net worth
    Very True. I mentioned it somewhere else, but I am interested to see what Ben's extension looks like this summer. He claims to want to do anything to win. One of the most impactful things he could do is not take a 30 million dollar per year contract.

    Next year Brady is far higher paid than Ben R is scheduled to be - https://www.spotrac.com/nfl/rankings...t/quarterback/
    And this year, Ben only made 1 million and change more -- https://www.spotrac.com/nfl/rankings/quarterback/

    But in previous years, Ben is taking in 3-7 million more per year.

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by Mojouw View Post
    Pretty fair assessment. I have never bought that guys get traded out of NE because of attitude or culture or what not. It is about contract $$$ every time. Oh, you think your in-line for a big extension? Yeah. Not here. Next.

    NE has always taken a different approach than most other teams. They have typically had far less separation between their say like #10 player and their #53 player on the roster. They roster quite a few highly regarded players and highly drafted players in any one season, but outside of about 3-5 guys they don't pay anyone big $$$ for more than a season or two. They then plow that cap cash into constantly churning the bottom third of their roster. As a result, their bottom of the roster players are better than most other teams equivalent guys. Leads to depth and an almost Darwinian competition for playing time.

    I sincerely do not think guys like Matakevich, Chickillo, Fort, Hunter, Jesse James, Dangerfield, Allen, etc would make the Patriots 53 or if they did, they would get cut as soon as someone else catches their eye. On the Steelers and many many other teams driven by high salary players at the top of the roster, those guys (or guys like them) are key contributors.
    Agree with all above.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dwinsgames View Post
    you are a Kenny Pickett enabler

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    A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    While we are “roasting” : I read today that since 2012, Colin Kaepernick has more playoff wins than the Steelers...

    Quote Originally Posted by Dwinsgames View Post
    you are a Kenny Pickett enabler

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by 86WARD View Post
    While we are “roasting” : I read today that since 2012, Colin Kaepernick has more playoff wins than the Steelers...
    Including 2012, he has 4.
    Since 2012, he has 2.

    (The Steelers have 3.)

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Maybe it included 2012...lol

    Quote Originally Posted by Dwinsgames View Post
    you are a Kenny Pickett enabler

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    Well there you have it... Array title="NCSteeler has a reputation beyond repute"> NCSteeler's Avatar

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    Re: A quick roast of the rest of the AFC

    Quote Originally Posted by Mojouw View Post
    Pretty fair assessment. I have never bought that guys get traded out of NE because of attitude or culture or what not. It is about contract $$$ every time. Oh, you think your in-line for a big extension? Yeah. Not here. Next.

    NE has always taken a different approach than most other teams. They have typically had far less separation between their say like #10 player and their #53 player on the roster. They roster quite a few highly regarded players and highly drafted players in any one season, but outside of about 3-5 guys they don't pay anyone big $$$ for more than a season or two. They then plow that cap cash into constantly churning the bottom third of their roster. As a result, their bottom of the roster players are better than most other teams equivalent guys. Leads to depth and an almost Darwinian competition for playing time.

    I sincerely do not think guys like Matakevich, Chickillo, Fort, Hunter, Jesse James, Dangerfield, Allen, etc would make the Patriots 53 or if they did, they would get cut as soon as someone else catches their eye. On the Steelers and many many other teams driven by high salary players at the top of the roster, those guys (or guys like them) are key contributors.
    This is spot-on. I never thought of it that way. Patriot backups are much better because they have money to bring them in and not break the bank in Collins and the like

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