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Thread: "The One"

  1. #1
    Old School Misfit Array title="silver & black has a reputation beyond repute"> silver & black's Avatar

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    "The One"

    How's this for apocalyptic literature. This was written by a pastor's
    wife in biblical prose as a commentary of current events.
    It is brilliant.



    And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land
    called America , having lost their morals, their initiative, and their
    will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that
    person known as "The One."


    He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning; but He
    hypnotized the people telling them, "I am sent to save you." My lack
    of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my
    association with evil doers are of no consequence. I shall save you
    with hope and Change. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the
    land that he who proceeded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation,
    and that all he has built must be destroyed. And the people rejoiced,
    for even though they knew not what "The One" would do, he had promised
    that it was good; and they believed. And "The One" said "We live in
    the greatest country in the world. Help me change everything about it!"
    And the people said, "Hallelujah! Change is good!"
    Then He said, "We are going to tax the rich fat-cats." And the
    people said "Sock it to them!" "And redistribute their wealth." And
    the people said, "Show us the money!" And the he said, "
    redistribution of wealth is good for everybody.."





    And Joe the plumber asked, " Are you kidding me? You're going to
    steal my money and give it to the deadbeats??" And "The One"
    ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe's personal records were hacked and publicized.
    One lone reporter asked, "Isn't that Marxist policy?" And she was
    banished from the kingdom.




    Then a citizen asked, "With no foreign relations experience and
    having zero military experience or knowledge, how will you deal with
    radical terrorists?" And "The One" said, "Simple. I shall sit with
    them and talk with them and show them how nice we really are; and they
    will forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!" And the people
    said, "Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can beat our weapons
    into free cars for the people!"




    Then "The One" said "I shall give 95% of you lower taxes." And one,
    lone voice said, "But 40% of us don't pay ANY taxes." So "The One"
    said, "Then I shall give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!"
    And the people said, "Hallelujah! Show us the money!"
    Then "The One" said, "I shall tax your Capital Gains when you sell
    your homes!" And the people yawned and the slumping housing market
    collapsed. And He said. "I shall mandate employer-funded health care
    for every worker and raise the minimum wage. And I shall give every
    person unlimited healthcare and medicine and transportation to the
    clinics." And the people said, "Give me some of that!"
    Then he said, "I shall penalize employers who ship jobs overseas."
    And the people said, "Where's my rebate check?"





    Then "The One" said, "I shall bankrupt the coal industry and
    electricity rates will skyrocket!" And the people said, "Coal is
    dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don't care for that part
    about higher electric rates." So "The One" said, Not to worry. If
    your rebate isn't enough to cover your expenses, we shall bail you out.
    Just sign up with the ACORN and you troubles are over!"
    Then He said, "Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let's
    grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches,
    free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing..." And
    the people said, "Hallelujah!" and they made him king!




    And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and
    ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others
    simply gave up and went out of business and the economy sank like unto
    a rock dropped from a cliff.
    The bank banking industry was destroyed. Manufacturing slowed to a
    crawl. And more of the people were without a means of support.





    Then "The One" said, "I am the "the One"- The Messiah - and I'm here
    to save you! We shall just print more money so everyone will have
    enough!" But our foreign trading partners said unto Him. "Wait a
    minute. Your dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! You will have
    to pay more... And "The One" said, "Wait a minute. That is
    unfair!!" And the world said, "Neither are these other idiotic
    programs you have embraced. Lo, you have become a Socialist state and
    a second-rate power. Now you shall play by our rules!"





    And the people cried out, "Alas, alas!! What have we done?" But yea
    verily, it was too late. The people set upon The One and spat upon
    him and stoned him, and his name was dung. And the once mighty nation
    was no more; and the once proud people were without sustenance or
    shelter or hope. And the Change "The One" had given them was as like
    unto a poison that had destroyed them and like a whirlwind that
    consumed all that they had built.




    And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in anguish,
    "give us back our nation and our pride and our hope!!" But it was too
    late, and their homeland was no more.

    You may think this a fairy tale, but it's not. It's happening RIGHT NOW

  2. #2
    Official Troll Array title="The Patriot is a name known to all"> The Patriot's Avatar

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    Re: "The One"


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    Quest For Seven Array title="Mach1 has a reputation beyond repute"> Mach1's Avatar

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    Re: "The One"



    Give a lib a fish--he eats for a day

    Teach a lib to fish--he is back the next day asking for more free fish.

    ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

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    Klaatu barada nikto Array title="suitanim has a brilliant future"> suitanim's Avatar

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    Re: "The One"

    Quote Originally Posted by The Patriot View Post

    Right on cue....."But....but, but..............................Bush!"
    Fire Goodell

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    Official Troll Array title="The Patriot is a name known to all"> The Patriot's Avatar

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    Re: "The One"

    Quote Originally Posted by suitanim View Post
    Right on cue....."But....but, but..............................Bush!"
    I don't know what you're talking about... Clearly that's a depiction of George Bush and the rest of the Republican faithful ascending to heaven after Obama the Antichrist has ravaged the earth.

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    Official Troll Array title="The Patriot is a name known to all"> The Patriot's Avatar

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    Re: "The One"

    And why do you guys get so defensive about Bush? When Obama is no longer President, are you going to say: "Any lingering effects of his Presidency and policies are no longer relevant or up for discussion. Any complaints about problems stemming from his presidency are just whiny moan and drone"? Because I doubt it.

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    Senior Member Array title="zulater has a reputation beyond repute"> zulater's Avatar

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    Re: "The One"

    Religious people have been predicting The End of Times, since the beginning of times. One day they're bound to get it right. But of course for the wrong reasons.
    "A man's got to know his limitations."

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    Klaatu barada nikto Array title="suitanim has a brilliant future"> suitanim's Avatar

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    Re: "The One"

    Quote Originally Posted by The Patriot View Post
    And why do you guys get so defensive about Bush? When Obama is no longer President, are you going to say: "Any lingering effects of his Presidency and policies are no longer relevant or up for discussion. Any complaints about problems stemming from his presidency are just whiny moan and drone"? Because I doubt it.
    It really starts and ends with your President you elected. I've been political for about almost 30 years, and I have NEVER seen a president take all the credit for what works and dump ALL the blame for what doesn't on his predecessor like this guy is doing.

    And every single argument against this guy always ends up with the same diversionary tactic of IGNORING his many, many, many errors and missteps and instead slinging crap back about Bush. If you look at your post, where was the defense of Hopey? You posted a picture of...............Bush. I mean, you're clearly engaging in diversion and blame shifting, and then you claim that I'M being defensive?

    I STILL to this day have not had a reasonable or sound answer form any liberal anywhere as to how the exact same policies that Bush enacted that were evil then (TARP, car bailouts, wiretaps, Gitmo, Iraq, etc, etc, etc...) have managed to somehow become okay or even good just because your president decided to either continue, or in many cases, EXPAND these "evil policies". I'm not defending anything, I'm asking someone, anyone anywhere to defend Obama. And nobody can, because they can't.
    Fire Goodell

  9. #9
    Official Troll Array title="The Patriot is a name known to all"> The Patriot's Avatar

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    Re: "The One"

    That picture wasn't even an attack on Bush. It's mocking Republican fundamentalists who liken Republican v Democrat to the battle between Heaven and Earth. Criticizing Obama for his bad policies is completely valid. Making him out to be the Antichrist is as bad as liberals calling Bush a Nazi dictator.

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    Re: "The One"

    Yes, biblical people have been predicting this for a while. However, if you know what you're reading in Revelation, you'd realize that the time is at hand.

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    Re: "The One"

    I like parodies written in the Biblical literary style.

    This one was pieced together by LSU fans:

    And there arose to the north of Eden a tribe called the Hotty-Toddys, who were also called metros. And the Hotty-Toddys were very displeasing; they didst place centerpieces on their banquet tables, and didst exalt themselves much. And they didst glorify the southern kingdom of the past.

    And for a brief time they didst enjoy success on the battlefield. But in the second year of the reign of John son of Joseph, a man named James, of the house of Meredith, of the nation of Cush, didst attempt to enter the seminary at Oxford. But the Hotty-Toddys despised and oppressed the Cush-ites, and refused him entry. But the Judges decreed that James must be allowed to enter. And the Hotty-Toddys rose up with great vengeance and furious anger, and didst burn their own city, and even slew two aliens in their midst. And the LORD saw that it was no good, and was much angered, and uttered a curse upon the Hotty-Toddys:

    "THOU SHALT TASTE VICTORY ONCE MORE, THEN NEVER AGAIN SHALL THOU BE FIRST AMONG THY BRETHREN"

    And after the following harvest, they didst enjoy their last great victory, then their warriors became lost in the wilderness. And a man named Elisha, who was also called Archie, didst attempt to lead them back to glory, but was wounded in the land of Eden and tasted not the fruits of victory. Then a great famine fell upon Oxford, until Eli son of Archie arrived upon a white horse. Eli led the Hotty-Toddys to many small victories, and girded his loins against an invasion by the warriors from Eden.

    But Eli fell backwards*. And a great roar arose, and Johnny of the house of Vaught, the great king of the Hotty-Toddy past, didst ask "What be the meaning of this tumult?" For Johnny was a very old man, 93, and nearly blind. And the Hotty-Toddys cried in despair, "The invaders from Eden hath carried off the West championship! Our curse is still upon us, and the Heisman shall never come to the house of Manning."

    And the LORD then caused a great delusion to fall upon the tribe of Hotty-Toddy, and they drove their general David from their midst, even though David had led them to victories for the first time in forty years. And they chose a recruiter of warriors from a western land, Bay Bay of the house of Yawyawyawyaw, because their delusion kept them from seeing he was a fool. And Bay Bay disdt tear his garments, and shout words none could understand. And the LORD loosed against the Hotty-Toddys bands of Cowboys, and Bulldogs, and even Commodores, who laid waste to Oxford. And the Hotty-Toddys continued to exalt Bay Bay, even as half his warriors disappeared from Oxford, and rued the days of Cutcliffe. And finally Les of Eden came to Oxford and destroyed it once and for all


    *1 Samuel 4:3
    It started the Monday morning after the 2003 SEC West showdown between Ole Miss and LSU, which was effectively the division championship game. LSU won a close one, and OM's last drive ended when Eli Manning fell down on 4th and 10. (Well, last drive with any real chance to win.)

    Someone on an LSU board noticed that some translations of the Bible say "Eli fell backwards" in 1 Samuel 4:3. Someone else wrote a brief passage based on that. Others jumped in and made their own changes. I threw in some of the historical details, and the Fall of the Tribe of Hotty-Toddy was born. The passage was later updated for the Orgeron era. I need to add the Houston Nutt era for next season.

  12. #12
    Senior Member Array title="zulater has a reputation beyond repute"> zulater's Avatar

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    Re: "The One"

    Quote Originally Posted by BlacknGoldBabe View Post
    Yes, biblical people have been predicting this for a while. However, if you know what you're reading in Revelation, you'd realize that the time is at hand.
    You know that's exactly what the early Christians believed, and pretty much every generation that's followed.
    "A man's got to know his limitations."

  13. #13
    Klaatu barada nikto Array title="suitanim has a brilliant future"> suitanim's Avatar

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    Re: "The One"

    Quote Originally Posted by zulater View Post
    You know that's exactly what the early Christians believed, and pretty much every generation that's followed.
    Literally, the time has been neigh for like 1500 years. To keep people in line using fear, it's important to keep the punishment close at hand.
    Fire Goodell

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