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Aussie_steeler
05-31-2010, 06:07 AM
Lets see if you like some our our humour downunder


A family was driving behind a rubbish truck when a large dildo flies out and hits the windscreen.

To hide her embarrassment the mother turns and says to her young kids "my what a big insect".

To which her 7 year old says, "I'm surprised it could fly with a dick that size".

Kaeg
05-31-2010, 07:21 AM
Haha! I liked that one!

steelersfanman92
05-31-2010, 08:17 AM
Haha thats good

Texasteel
05-31-2010, 08:27 AM
That's funny in any country!

kmsteelerwr15
05-31-2010, 12:25 PM
lol thats a good one

Galax Steeler
05-31-2010, 02:59 PM
Good one Aussie.

Devilsdancefloor
05-31-2010, 03:02 PM
lmao that is really funny!

Aussie_steeler
05-31-2010, 03:30 PM
Joke #2


The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out.
He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the church.
When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice.
"Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"
"Why reverend." the young thing replied.
All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts."
"Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her tits.
After several minutes, he raised his head and said. "I don't hear any angels singing!"
"Of course not reverend." she said. Your not plugged in yet."

stillers4me
05-31-2010, 05:45 PM
A family was driving behind a rubbish truck when a large dildo flies out and hits the windscreen.

To hide her embarrassment the mother turns and says to her young kids "my what a big insect".

To which her 7 year old says, "I'm surprised it could fly with a dick that size".




http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/sueincinci/Smileys/th_sofunny.gif?t=1275345857

kmsteelerwr15
05-31-2010, 08:42 PM
Another good one Aussie. Keep them coming.

Aussie_steeler
06-01-2010, 03:21 AM
Joke #3


The newly weds were terribly shy when it came to sex, so instead
of simply saying, "Let's fuck," they'd say, "Washing machine."
One night the dude puts his arms around his wife and asked,
"Washing Machine?"
"Not tonight honey," she replied. "I'm tired.
He rolled away from her, but in a couple of minutes he began
stroking he thighs and once again ventured. "Washing machine?"
"Darling, I'm really tired." she said. "Beside the point I have a
Headache."
Sighing deeply, the guy moved back to his own side of the bed
and was silent. His wife began thinking about the conjugal
obligation to keep him happy, and soon she turned to him and
whispered. "Washing Machine."
"That's okay." he replied with a yawn. "It was a small load,
so I did it by hand."

steelax04
06-01-2010, 04:39 PM
lol... keep 'em rolling in!

Aussie_steeler
06-02-2010, 03:12 AM
Joke #4


A yuppie walked into a doctor's surgery and demanded the
quack have a look at his dick.
"Why, what's wrong with it?" the doc asked.
"I'll show you", the yuppie yelled, and dropped his trousers.
His dick was the size of a jellybean, and the doctor couldn't
help himself. He burst out laughing.
"It's nothing to laugh at," complained the yuppie, close to tears.
"It's been swollen like that for the last three days!"

SteelMember
06-02-2010, 01:14 PM
All good Aussie, but I gotta say the first one really made me lol. :lol:

Aussie_steeler
06-02-2010, 03:11 PM
Joke # 5


Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks.
Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.
"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.
The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"

BuddhaBus
06-02-2010, 03:29 PM
All good Aussie, but I gotta say the first one really made me lol. :lol:

+1. #5 is funny as hell too!

kmsteelerwr15
06-02-2010, 06:08 PM
Damn Aussie these are great

Aussie_steeler
06-03-2010, 04:23 AM
Joke #6


Six mates were seated at the bar, each trying to impress one another with the size
of their dicks. The bragging went on for almost an hour, and the bartender got tired
of hearing that shit, so he said, "Let's put an end to all this crap and find out who's lying
and who isn't. Each of you whip out your dong and lay it on the bar." All six of then did.
Just at that moment a faggot walked into the bar, and the bartender asked him if he
wanted a drink.
The queer looked down the bar, and in a lisping voice, he said, "No thanks, I'll just have
some of the buffet."

Galax Steeler
06-03-2010, 04:30 AM
Aussie those are some good ones no.6 is funny.

solardave
06-03-2010, 05:59 AM
Joke #4

I don't know if you know who Larry the Cable Guy is but he says "I don't give a damn who you are that's funny!"

venom
06-03-2010, 06:28 AM
Loved the first one :rofl2:

Aussie_steeler
06-03-2010, 03:29 PM
Joke #7


Mum walked into the bathroom one day and found
young Johnny furiously scrubbing his dick with a
toothbrush and toothpaste.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, young
man?!" she exclaimed.
"Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna
do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm
gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my
sister's."

kmsteelerwr15
06-03-2010, 10:59 PM
Joke #7


:rofl2: Oh these are great!!

steelerdude15
06-03-2010, 11:06 PM
Joke #7 was pretty good. :lol:

Aussie_steeler
06-04-2010, 03:13 AM
You guys and gals keep appreciating and I will keep posting

Joke #8


Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
"My dad can blow smoke through his nose!"
boasted the first.
"Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!"
counted the second boy.
"That's nothing," piped up the third. "My dad
can blow smoke through his arse. I know, 'cos I've
seen the nicotine stains on his undies."

st33lersguy
06-04-2010, 08:07 PM
Joke 8 is great!!

Aussie_steeler
06-04-2010, 08:16 PM
Joke #9


Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods
one day, on her way to Grandma's house, when all of a
sudden the Big Bad Wolf leapt out from behind a tree.
To make matters worse, The Big Bad Wolf had a six - inch
blade in his hand and a nine inch bulge in his pants. "Get
those scarlet bloomers off, Little Red Riding Hood," the wolf
snarled. "I'm going to fuck you!"
But before he could bat an eyelid, Little Red had drawn a
.44 magnum out of her basket, and pointed it at the Wolfs
balls. "Sorry to disappoint you, Wolf," she said, "but now
you're going to eat me, just like the story says."

Nadroj 20
06-04-2010, 10:46 PM
Lol these are all good

Aussie_steeler
06-06-2010, 03:15 AM
Joke#10


A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's
drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some
olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then
he jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows
it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just swallowed the cue ball off my pool table whole!", says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the bloke. "He eats everything in sight, the
little bugger. I'll pay for the cue ball and other stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his
bill and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again and he has his monkey with him. He orders a
drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking
his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up
his arse, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender
is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks.
"Now what?", responds the bloke.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his arse, then pulled it out and ate it!", says
the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the bloke. "He still eats everything in sight,
but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

Galax Steeler
06-06-2010, 07:29 AM
Joke#10

Good one LOL

Aussie_steeler
06-06-2010, 04:00 PM
Joke #11


A doctor was transferred to a very tough Australian commando base. On this first
day three soldiers turned up to see him.
The first marched in and snapped to attention.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doc.
"I've got piles ( haemorroids) sir!" shouted soldier.
"How have you been treating them?" asked the doctor as he examined the soldier.
"I've been rubbing my arse with a wire brush until it bleeds, Sir!" replied the commando.
The doctor then asked the soldier about his main ambitions in life.
"I want to kill more enemies, sir!" he replied.
The doctor was amazed that a soldier in so much pain just wanted to do his duty.
The second soldier marched in and told the doctor he had gonorrhea.
"How have you been treating it until now?" asked the doctor.
"I've been rubbing the end of my prick with a wire brush until it bleeds, sir!"
The doctor then asked him about his ambition in life.
"To kill more enemies, sir!" the soldier replied.
Again the doctor was amazed about the pain threshold of the soldiers.
Finally, the third soldier walked in and the doctor asked him about his problem.
"I've got ulcerated gums, sir!" the soldier bellowed.
"And how are you treating them?" asked the doctor.
"I've been rubbing my gums with a wire brush until they bleed, sir!" replied the soldier.
"And what's your ambition in life?" asked the doctor.
"To be the first to use the wire brush, sir!"

Galax Steeler
06-07-2010, 04:10 AM
Ouch that hurts just a thinking about it.

SteelMember
06-07-2010, 12:31 PM
#9 :lol: :clap2:

#10 :rofl2::applaudit:

#11...googling piles. :noidea:

Aussie_steeler
06-07-2010, 03:26 PM
#9 :lol: :clap2:

#10 :rofl2::applaudit:

#11...googling piles. :noidea: Haemoroids like things on your arse

Joke #12


A fireman come home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a
wonderful system at work. At Bell 1 we all put our coats on. At Bell 2 we all slide
down the pole, and when Bell 3 rings we're in the truck and ready to go.
"From now on, we're going to run this house the same way. When I say 'Bell 1', you'll
strip naked. When I shout Bell 2, you're going to jump into bed. And when I say 'Bell 3',
were going to fuck all night long."
The next night he returned home from work as horny as all hell.
"Bell 1!" he yelled, and his wife tore her clothes off.
"Bell 2!" he screamed, and she leapt into bed.
"Bell 3!" he hollered and, jumping on top of her, began fucking her like there was
no tomorrow.
After only a few minutes, his wife started yelling, "Bell 4!, Bell 4!, Bell 4!"
"Eh? He said, stunned. "What the fuck is Bell 4?"
"More hose!, More hose!" she replied. "You ain't nowhere near the fire!"

Galax Steeler
06-08-2010, 04:17 AM
Joke #12

That is a classic I have not heard that one in a long time.

Aussie_steeler
06-08-2010, 04:27 AM
Joke #13


This 80 year old woman thought she had the crabs, so she goes to the doctor.
"Doctor I think I have the crabs."
"When was the last time you had sex?" The doctor asks.
"I have never had sex. I'm still a virgin." she replied.

The doctor thought this was very strange so he told her to get on the table
and he would examine her. After the examination he said, "I have some good
news and bad news for you. The good news is you don't have the crabs.

The bad news is you've got fruit flies. Your cherry rotted."

Galax Steeler
06-08-2010, 05:13 AM
Aussie is there a joke you haven't heard.LOL

Aussie_steeler
06-08-2010, 03:32 PM
Aussie is there a joke you haven't heard.LOL

Of course. I have just been lucky to have access to a reasonable collection of good jokes. Its something that most Aussie men like to do when they are drinking.

Joke #13


The new husband and his bride were in bed, when the husband
says, "Honey, anytime you wake up and want to have sex, you
don't have to say a word, just reach over and pull my dick a
couple of times,"
"And if I don't want sex?"
"Pull on it forty or fifty times," the husband said.

kmsteelerwr15
06-08-2010, 11:27 PM
Still got me :rofl:

Aussie_steeler
06-09-2010, 04:00 AM
Joke #14


Bill joined the foreign legion, and was assigned to a fort, way out in the Sahara
desert, far from any town. During his orientation session, he asked the sergeant
what the legionnaires did when they had to relieve their urge.
"The desert provides, son," the sergeant said. "When you feel the need at night
go to the hut by the palm tree outside the fort. There's a hole in the side. Stick your
dick in the hole and you'll get relief."
Bill was very skeptical, but soon he was about to go out of his skull. He waited until
the sun descended, then ran out to the hut and stuck his dick in the hole. Sure enough,
a pair of warm lips surrounded his member and quickly brought him to ecstasy. Bill
suddenly had a new view of life in the legion. He visited the hut the next night and the
third. But on the fourth night, when he thrust his penis in, nothing happened. He rushed
back, found the sergeant and asked him what the hell was going on.
"Forgot to tell you," the sergeant said, "it's your night to sit in the hut."

Galax Steeler
06-09-2010, 04:22 AM
Joke #14

I am getting used to reading your daily jokes every morning. LOL

Aussie_steeler
06-10-2010, 03:48 AM
Joke #15


There was an English, an American, and an Aussie. One day they were discussing
how easily they can get their missus' horny. So the Englishman says "All I have
to do is rub my missus' nipples and she lifts a foot off the bed".
The American laughs and says "Yeah, well all I have to do is slip the tongue in and
my missus lifts two feet off the bed".
By now the Aussie is pissin' himself laughin' and comes out with "Yeah, that's
nothin' either. All I do is wipe my cock on the curtain and my missus hits the roof!"

Galax Steeler
06-11-2010, 04:39 AM
Aussie where are you at I am going to miss the morning joke. LOL

Aussie_steeler
06-11-2010, 06:14 AM
Aussie where are you at I am going to miss the morning joke. LOL

Running late

Joke #16 for GALAX


The frightened young bride wanted to spend her wedding night at
her mother's house. That night, as her new husband began taking
his shirt off, the bride took one look and promptly went running to
her mother.
"He's got hair all over his chest," she cried. "What should I do?"
"Go back to your husband," her mother replied, "and do your wifely duty."
After she returned to the bedroom, her husband took his pants off. Again,
she went running to her mother. "He's got hair all over his legs," she whimpered.
"What should I do?"
"Go back and do your wifely duty," her mother said again.
Returning once more, she watched as her husband took off his shoes. Noticing
that one of his feet was half-amputated, off she went to mother. "He's only got
one and a half feet!" she wailed, "what should I do?"
"Just calm down and wait here, dear," her mother soothed.
"Mother will takeover now."

SteelMember
06-11-2010, 07:06 AM
:lol:

kmsteelerwr15
06-11-2010, 11:03 AM
:rofl2:

Aussie_steeler
06-11-2010, 06:12 PM
Joke # 17


The race-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took
her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him
in the face.
"What's the matter! Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked.
"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman.
"In your sleep, you felt my tits and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.'
Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"
"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.
"Nothing, but then you felt my pussy and yelled,
'who the hell left the garage door open?'"

Galax Steeler
06-12-2010, 04:59 AM
Those are a couple of good ones I wish I could remember half of them.

Aussie_steeler
06-13-2010, 05:25 AM
Joke #18


An old blind man was standing on the corner when his dog
cocked its leg and pissed all over the bloke's trousers.
The man reached into his pocket and pulled out a dog biscuit.
"You shouldn't reward him for doing something like that," said
a passerby. "He'll never learn."
"I'm not rewarding him," replied the blind bloke.
"I'm just trying to find his mouth so I can kick his arse!"

Aussie_steeler
06-15-2010, 03:21 PM
Joke # 19


A frustrated housewife decided her sex life needed spicing up after 20 years
of marriage. After her husband went to work she slipped out and went into
a lingerie shop and picked up a pair of crotchless knickers. She went home,
tarted herself up and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to
go with it.
She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from
him after she prepares him a drink.
She slowly spread her legs, and in a husky come fuck me voice say's
"Honey, would you like some of this?"
The husband looks between his aging wife's legs and lets out his breath,
looking up at his doting wife replies, "HELL, NO! Look what its done to
your fuckin' underwear."

kmsteelerwr15
06-15-2010, 07:07 PM
:lol:

Galax Steeler
06-16-2010, 03:59 AM
I like the no.16 that is funny.

Aussie_steeler
06-16-2010, 04:19 AM
Joke #20

A special one for you Galax


There was this couple in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready
for sleep and the husband put his bedlamp on and read a book. As he
was reading he stopped and reached over to his wife and started fondling
with her pussy.
He did this only for a very short while then stopped and went back to
reading his book.
The wife then got up and started stripping off in front of him.
The husband was confused and asked, "What are doing taking all your
gear off?".
The wife replied, "You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was
foreplay for something a bit heavier"
The husband said, "No, not at all".
The wife then asked," Well, what were you doing then?".
"Oh", he said, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book!."

Galax Steeler
06-16-2010, 04:24 AM
Joke #20

A special one for you Galax

:rofl2:I see what goes on in Australia set around and tell jokes all the time. That one is probably the best so far.

Aussie_steeler
06-17-2010, 04:03 AM
Joke #21


An old farmer was sitting on his front porch one day, watching the world
go by, when a young kid went by carrying a whole bunch of wire.
The farmer yelled out, "Whatcha carrying that wire for, son?"
The kid replied, "This isn't just normal wire, this is chicken wire!
I'm gonna go catch me some chickens with it."
The farmer said, "Silly kid, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
The kid ignored him and went on down the road. Several hours later, the kid
went walking up the road the other direction, carrying a dozen chickens all
bound up in chicken wire.
The next day, the farmer was sitting on his porch again, and the kid walked by
again, this time carrying several rolls of tape.
The farmer yelled out, "Whatcha doing with all that tape?"
The kid replied, "This isn't just normal tape, this is duck tape.
I'm gonna go catch me some ducks with it."
The farmer replied, "Silly kid, don't you know you can't catch ducks with
duck tape?"
The kid ignored him and went on his way. Several hours later, the kid returned
walking up the road carrying a whole bunch of ducks, all wrapped up in duck tape.
The next day, the farmer was sitting on his porch again, and the kid walked by
again, this time carrying a stick. The farmer yelled out, "Where ya going with
that stick?"
The kid replied, "This isn't just a normal stick. This is a pussy willow."
The farmer said, "Hold on right there kid. Let me get my hat..."

Galax Steeler
06-17-2010, 04:27 AM
Joke #21

I think I would have been grabbing by hat as well.:lol:

GitNoLuv
06-18-2010, 03:45 PM
What do you call a black pilot?












A Pilot ya freaking racist!

Aussie_steeler
06-18-2010, 07:51 PM
Joke #22


Two drug dealers are arrested and appear before a judge for trial. Both
men are convicted, but the judge agrees to suspend their sentences if, as
a community service,
they speak to youngsters and successfully steer them away from drugs.
They accept and report back to the judge one week later.
The judge asks the first man, "How successful were you getting kids off
of drugs?"
He replies, "I did very well. I stopped 36 kids from doing drugs."
"That's great," replied the judge, "How did you do that?"
The man says, "Well first I drew two circles like this." "And then,"
he continued, "I pointed to the big one and said, 'This is your brain
before drugs." "And then I pointed to the small one and said, 'And this is
your brain after drugs."
"Well," says the judge, "its simple yet effective." He asks the second man
how he did. The second man responds, drew two circles just like he did,
but I got 100 kids off drugs." "Wow, that's amazing. What did you say that
worked so well?"
"First I pointed to the small circle and said, 'This is your arsehole before jail!"

Aussie_steeler
06-20-2010, 04:05 PM
JOke #23


A young kid was walking down the road with his father when they
saw a dead sparrow lying upside down on the pavement.
"Daddy, why is the bird lying there?"
"Because it's dead, son" answered the father.
"Why is it lying with its feet in the air?"
Dad was a bit stumped. "That is so Jesus can come down, pick it
up and carry it to heaven."
They walked along a bit, then the boy said "Mummy nearly died
yesterday." "What do you mean?" asked the father.
"Well, when I got home from school yesterday, she was lying on
the bed with her legs in the air, and she was shouting `Jesus, I'm coming!'.
If the milkman hadn't been lying on top of her we'd have lost her for sure!"

Aussie_steeler
06-23-2010, 01:32 AM
Joke #24


The horny midget found that the best way to score with women was to be direct about it.

So he went up to this tall blond woman and said, "Hey, honey, what do you say to a little fuck?"

She looked down at him and smiled, and replied "Hello, you little fuck!"

Aussie_steeler
06-23-2010, 01:34 AM
Joke #25


Two mates were having a beer and talking about Freudian slips. The first said "Well. I went the other day to buy a ticket to Pittsburgh
and I saw the ticket seller and she was beautiful with the biggest, most magnificent pair of breasts I'd ever seen.
I was overcome. I went up to her to buy my ticket and instead of saying 'Excuse me, can I have a ticket to Pittsburgh?' I said 'Excuse me, can I have a picket to Tittsburgh?' I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do."

"I know what you mean," said the other guy. "Yesterday I was having breakfast with my wife as usual. I meant to say to her 'Could you please pass the butter.' But it came out as 'You bitch! You've ruined my fucking life!'"

kmsteelerwr15
06-23-2010, 02:21 AM
Just caught back up since I haven't been on this thread in a while, and Aussie, you haven't let up one bit. These are great and I look forward to plenty more.

Galax Steeler
06-23-2010, 04:09 AM
Another good one by Aussie

Aussie_steeler
06-23-2010, 04:05 PM
Joke #26


Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation on the Gold Coast.
At the hotel bar, they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them
to their separate rooms.
The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain
physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression
is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room he hears cries of, "One,
Two, Three...Hup!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get
an erection."
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked.
"I couldn't even get on the fucking bed!"

Aussie_steeler
06-23-2010, 04:06 PM
Joke # 27

Note Dero = drifter / hobo


Two deros were walking along a railway line near Granville
The first dero stopped and said, "This is my favourite bit of line just here."
"Why?" asked the second dero.
"Well," said the first dero, "two years ago I found a slab of
beer just here and spent the whole afternoon pissed out of my mind."
They carried on walking for a few miles. Suddenly, the second dero
stopped and said,
"Now this is my favourite bit of line."
"Why is that?" asked the first dero.
"Well, twenty years ago I found a girl lying on the tracks. I undressed her,
took her into the bushes just over there and spent all that afternoon
fucking her!"
"Bloody hell!" said the first dero. "Did she give you a blowjob?"
"Naw," said the second dero. "I couldn't find her head."

kmsteelerwr15
06-23-2010, 10:52 PM
Two more good ones Aussie!!

Aussie_steeler
06-26-2010, 06:18 AM
Joke #28


A couple had been married a week, and one morning after they were lying
idly in bed after doing the deed.
"Darling," she cooed, toying with his limp todger, "didn't you say you were
the only man with one of these?"
"That's right, love."
"No, you've been telling fibs. Your brother has one too."
"Oh," stammered the bloke. "That was my spare one. I gave it to him."
"Silly man," she said. "You gave the best one away!"

Aussie_steeler
06-28-2010, 06:39 AM
Joke #29


Snow White and the seven dwarves were returning home to their cottage one
night after a day down the mine when Dopey walked up to Snow White and
asked her, "Are there any midget Nuns in this forest?"
Amidst much giggling from the other dwarves, Snow White replied, "No, Dopey.
There are no midget Nuns in this forest."
A bit further down the track, Dopey asks with a hint more desperation in his voice
"Are there any midget Nuns in this country?" Again, Snow White replied to the
negative amidst much laughter emanating from the direction of the other dwarves.
Almost back to the cottage, Dopey is starting to look really upset, so he strides
up to Snow White and demands "Are there any midget Nuns on the whole planet?"
Before Snow White could reply, the other dwarves broke down completely and
started chanting, "Dopey Fucked A Penguin, Dopey Fucked A Penguin"

Galax Steeler
06-29-2010, 04:20 AM
That is funny lol

kmsteelerwr15
06-29-2010, 11:54 AM
Nice. Very Nice

Aussie_steeler
07-01-2010, 04:20 AM
Joke # 30


Norm goes to a sheering shed for a few months work, and after two
weeks he starts feeling horny and goes up to the station master and
has a quiet word in his ear. "Listen mate, I'm feeling kinda horny, and
this being me first time at a sheering shed, I was wondering what a fella's
gotta do around here for a root?"
"Well," said the station master. "There's old Hung Chu the chinaman out
back. Every now and then the blokes fuck him when there ain't no skirt around."
Norm looked at the station master with shock. "No fuckin way, mate. I ain't
fuckin no god damn chinaman!" and Norm stormed off in a rage.
Two weeks later, Norms balls were on fire. His cock was red raw through
wanking, yet he was desperate for some human contact. Norm walked up to
the station master and said, "Listen mate, I'm desperate, I need a root so damn
bad. Is that chinaman still available?"
The station master tells Norm that the chinaman was still available and that he
would bring him around straight away.
Norm then said to the station master, "Could we keep this our little secret, I don't
really like the idea of fucking a chinaman, and the fewer people who know about
it the better."
The station master looked at Norm with those understanding eyes that come with
spending many years in the outback and said, "Sure, only the five of us will ever
know."
"What the fuck!" said Norm, "Five of us? 'What the hell do you mean the five of us?'"
"Well, there's you… me… the chinaman, and the two blokes that have gotta hold
him down, cause he don't like it either!"

kmsteelerwr15
07-04-2010, 01:30 AM
Add another good one Aussie. Thanks for the laugh

Aussie_steeler
07-04-2010, 04:27 PM
Joke #31


George got up to join the parade at the fancy-dress ball wearing only his Y-fronts.
"What's this?" asked the MC, holding his notebook and pen. "You've got to
represent something."
George insisted that he did. "I represent premature ejaculation."
"How do you spell that?" the MC asked, about to note it down.
"Erm… dunno," George replied.
"Just say that I came in my undies."

Aussie_steeler
07-04-2010, 04:28 PM
Joke #32


This bloke and his missus were travelling along in their car. Some time later a police
officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window
and says "Did you know you were speeding back there?"
The lady, who is almost deaf turns to her husband and says "What did he say, what
did he say?"
The man turns to his wife and said "He said I was speeding."
The officer then said "Where do you come from?"
The man replied "Broken Hill"
The wife then says "What did he say, what did he say?"
The man turns to his wife and said, "He wanted to know where we came from."
The officer then said "Shit, I had my worst fuck ever in Broken Hill."
The lady then says "What did he say, what did he say?"
The man turns back and says, "He says he thinks he knows you."

Aussie_steeler
07-04-2010, 04:29 PM
Joke #33


There was an old man who's health was failing so his family decided it
would be better to place the old guy into a home where they could visit
him each weekend.
After one week, the mans' son came to visit him and asked his dad, "What do
you think of the home?"
The old man replied, "Terrific son. The other day I woke up with a hard on and
a beautiful young nurse came into the room and gave me headjob."
The following week, the son visited his dad again and once again asked how his
dad was getting on.
"Terrible", replied the old man. "The other day, I fell down in the hallway and a big orderly fucked me up the arse. I want to go home son!"
"Well dad" , replied the son, "you always told me that you had to take the good
with the bad. One week you got a headjob, the next you got fucked. That ain't so
bad is it?"
"Ain't bad!?" exclaimed the old man, "I only have a hardon once a year, I fall over 10 times a day!"

Galax Steeler
07-05-2010, 06:18 AM
Joke #33

Good one Aussie.

Aussie_steeler
07-06-2010, 06:05 AM
Joke #34


A husband and wife moved from outback NSW into the big city because
they were finding it hard to make ends meet.
The husband told his missus that she would have to work as a prostitute to
supplement their income.
So he walked her down to the nearest corner and told her he'd wait a bit further
down the road, and that she should come and see him if she had any problems.
Only a few minutes later, she got her first customer.
"How much?" he asked.
"Er… wait just one sec!" she said, and ran down to her husband.
"How much should I charge this bloke?" she inquired.
"Charge him $100!" the hubby said.
Quickly, she ran back to the bloke standing on the corner and told him the price.
"But lady, I've only got $80 on me," the horny bloke frowned. "What can I get for
that amount?"
She thought for a moment and then took off back to her husband again.
"For $80, tell him he can only get a head job," the husband informed her.
So she ran back. "You can have a head job for $80," She told him.
Reluctantly, the customer agreed and undid his zipper. To her amazement, a
15-inch cock tumbled out.
"Wait one second," the wife said, and sprinted down to her husband.
"You wouldn't be able to lend this bloke $20, would you?" she asked.

SirHulka
07-06-2010, 08:31 AM
ATLANTA AIRPORT - AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL


You gotta love this one even if you've never lived in the South.

Southerners can be so polite!

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 511 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on Runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We acknowledge we are cleared to land on infidel's Runway 9R - Allah be Praised."

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 -- You are cleared to land westbound on Runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We acknowledge that we are cleared to land westbound on infidel's Runway 9R. - Allah is Great."

Pause...



Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"


Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 511."


Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION
COURSE... INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE."


Atlanta ATC: "Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us...................

Aussie_steeler
07-09-2010, 08:03 PM
Joke #35


On their 25th anniversary, a bloke took his wife on a second honeymoon to the
same place as their first. Same motel, same room as on their wedding night.
When they checked in, his wife said, "Oh honey, it'll be just like when we got married!"
"Yeah," said the bloke. "Except this time, it'll be me sitting on the edge of the bed,
screaming', it's too big, it's too big!'"

Aussie_steeler
07-09-2010, 08:05 PM
Joke #36


Two upper class Pommy brothers, one very hard of hearing, were having a quiet
drink in a Chelsea pub where a drunken loud-mouthed Aussie was regaling the
bar with his opinions.
"What a place England is. Free and open and as friendly as buggery," said the Australian.
"What did he say?" asked the hard-of-hearing brother.
"He said he likes England," said the other.
"And Pommy women are fantastic," said the Aussie very loudly. 'They're terrific sports,
do anything in bed, fuckin' great."
"What was that?" asked brother number 1.
"He says he likes English women."
The Aussie continued, "And last night I picked up a brassy old broad who took me home
and fucked me stupid all night. Gee, she knew some tricks. The silly old bitch. What a fuck!"
"What did he say?" asked the deafish bastard.
"He said he'd met Mother."

Aussie_steeler
07-09-2010, 08:06 PM
Joke #37


The leprechaun
A guy is in a bus station, and goes into the men's room to piss. When he walks in he
sees a leprechaun with the most enormous dick he had ever seen. As he pees, he
cannot avoid spying on the giant member of the tiny man dressed in green. The
leprechaun zips up and the man asks him if he is indeed a real leprechaun.
The little man says, "Aye me boy, I'm a leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes."
"Oh neat," comes the reply, "What do I need to do?"
"Well, havin' such a large cock and all makes it a bit awkward with the ladies, the thing
not fittin' and all.. I'll grant you your three wishes if you wouldn't mind suckin' me dick
until I come."
The man is a bit taken aback, but agrees, because he knows he can wish for anything
he wants later. After the green man has come, he starts to walk away.
The guy says, "Hey, what about my three wishes?"
The leprechaun asks, "How old are you me boy?"
"28," says the guy.
"Aren't you a wee bit too old to still be believin' in leprechauns?"

Galax Steeler
07-10-2010, 12:09 PM
Another good one Aussie

Aussie_steeler
07-17-2010, 09:54 PM
Joke# 38


A woman gets up, puts up the shades, takes the cover off the parrot's
cage, makes a coffee, and has a cigarette. Suddenly the phone rings. Her
boyfriend is coming over. She puts out the cigarette, pulls down the shades,
puts the cover back on the parrot's cage, and gets back into bed. The
parrot, from under the cloth then says: "Well that was a short fuckin' day!"

Aussie_steeler
08-05-2010, 04:12 AM
Joke #39

Back from a short holiday ( from this thread)

Here we go again


Complaining to his missus because they were flat broke again,
this bloke told his missus,
"If your tits would give milk, we wouldn't have to feed our cow.
And if your **** would lay eggs, we would sell the chickens."
"Yeah" his wife replied. "And if your cock could get hard, we could
get rid of your brother!!!

Aussie_steeler
08-05-2010, 04:16 AM
Joke #40


Voodoo Dick
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought
he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone,
because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he
went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought
about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please
his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained
his situation.
The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick.
We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of
anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except…" and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box,
carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary
looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said "Big deal. It looks like every other
dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a
door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box,
darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door
shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before
the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!"
The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to
$700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left
for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought
of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the
voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo
dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd
ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough,
and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and
tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her
how to shut it off.
So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes
on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust
of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road,
and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked
how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't
been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her, and wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right...Voodoo dick, my arse!"

steelerdude15
08-05-2010, 09:37 PM
Joke #39 is :chuckle:

Aussie_steeler
08-19-2010, 06:19 AM
Joke #41


A woman was drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slipped
over and landed spread legged on the bathroom floor. She tried to stand
up again but then she realized that she had landed so hard that her pussy
has stuck to the floor, creating such a vacuum that she couldn't move. She
called out to her husband for help, and he rushes in and tried with all his strength
to lift her up, but she just wouldn't budge. So he went next door and got the neighbor.
Both of them start pulling her arms with all their strength, but she just wouldn't budge.
She was well and truly stuck to the floor.
Suddenly the neighbor said, "Why don't we just get a hammer and break the
tiles around her legs and lift her that way?"
"Great idea, mate" says the husband, "but just let me rub her tits a little so I can
push her over into the kitchen. The tiles are cheaper in there."